Bring on The Class Warfare: A Rant That Covers Anal Sex, Solid Gold Strap-Ons and Sean Hannity's Masturbation Habits

I spent a few minutes on Sunday, staring slack-jawed at the jackassery and mouth-turds produced by the Republican Presidential Primary Candidates during their stage show on ABC with George and His Voice That Is Really Not Good for Television.

When I wasn't holding down the vomit, I was wishing that some of those gun-owners in the audience would just pull one of their penis substitutes out and blast away at those small-minded fuckers on stage.

It was like watching a Hit Parade of Hatred with stupid sauce. Fear, fear, fear, others, bad, evil Democrats, terror, FEAR! God. Jesus Christ. Fear.

Contrast that to last night's gut wrenching Democratic forum with the AFL-CIO at Soldier Field in Chicago. Though most of the candidates were still sounding way too wishy-washy for my taste, there was a lot more substance there for the voting public to consume and ruminate over.

And Keith O. as the moderator was a nice bonus.

This debate covered real life issues and it was particularly poignant when the retired steelworker spoke about having his promised health care coverage cancelled and his pension cut.

Watching last night's forum made me realize that it's time for some good old-fashioned class warfare. I liked what Kucinich had to say. I liked what Edwards, Obama, Dodd and Richardson had to say, too. I like the bold statements. I'm sick of hearing that Americans are such pussies that we can't possibly make big, bold changes to anything because we might what? Go mute? Start eating our children? Set ourselves on fire while tap-dancing nude?

Enough with the cannot, should not, will not line of reasoning. I could fertilize the garden with that.

So while most of the Democratic candidates want to take baby steps toward fixing our nation's failing everyfuckingthing and the Republicans want to take giant leaps toward break everyfuckingthing that is for the common good, we're forced to accept this media meme that America can't possibly handle the changes required to get our energy usage and production house in order or that Americans don't want universal health care or coverage or that this nation is moving toward conservatism because as we're cavorting about in the bilge water that is our pop culture, we're all secretly dropping to our knees to pray for spiritual guidance about who will win So You Think You Can Dance?

Or maybe it's the illegal aliens who are consuming all of our pop culture. They're consuming our jobs and sanity, so why not?

Republicans root for war that kills, maims and destroys. But mention a class issue or take a populist position on something and you're accused of instigating class warfare like it's a bad thing.

Chew on this, though, wouldn't it be nice to have some common sense in play? How about some people who do regular jobs, making regular money , experiencing regular life in these United States of Debt and More Debt who could actually run for a federal office and win?

It's hard to imagine.

What the "debates" demonstrated to me was that the Republicans are fundamentally about taking out their cocks and waving them in the air to not only frighten the skin off the rest of us, but also to demonstrate to their frightened and insecure base that, as the Chris Matthews-Maureen Dowd meme goes, Republicans are the daddy party, see, because we have outies.

Democrats are the mommy party because they don't have outies, they have innies and they have Hillary.

I want to take bits and pieces of each of the Democratic candidates and roll them all together to make the perfect Democratic Candidate. Obviously, I can't do that so I'll have to learn as much as I can about their current policies and positions and their voting records. I'll take that information and add a mathematical formula that calculates which Candidate is most likely to tell the Right Wing to go fuck itself sideways and hard. And I will watch and wait to see which of them starts to pull closer to Hillary, the anointed front-runner, in the polls.

The media and the Right have such a boner for her to be the Democratic nominee for the general election. Sean Hannity's panties are moist with the idea that he can spend a whole year just pounding away at Hillary's image. Then they'll signal to him that his microphone is on and he'll wipe up and go on air to tell his mouthbreathing listeners that Hillary is going to take their guns away from them and sodomize the Baby Jesus with them with one hand while slitting the throats of corporate fat cats, setting fire to piles of tax dollars, anally raping Christian teens of both genders with her Chinese-manufactured solid gold strap-on, taking over hospitals with an army of smelly, homeless people, disbanding our military and selling the White House to NARAL.

And that's just on her first day in office!

Fuck yeah, it's going to be a long campaign season.