I Write Letters

 
Dear Rich Lowry or should I say the man for whom Sarah Palin's wink launched a thousand erections,

I saw you on CSPANKme last night. It was a rerun of you boring a bunch of young Conservatives to death as you droned on about President Lincoln. The show was taped on a Friday night and those poor kids just wanted to hit the bars and hook up, but there you were, nattering on, equating the political parties of today with the political parties of 1860. You were taking great pains to illustrate a connection between Democrats today and the Southern Democrats who supported slavery. You said something about how they had to deny the part of the constitution that states All men are created equal. I think. Anyway, I may have nodded off from boredom. Or maybe it was because you were sucking both the oxygen and the sense out of the room. Whatever.

You owe an apology to those kids for misinforming them and for cutting into their fun time. Sheesh, man, don't you remember what it was like to go to those conferences?

I'm writing to you today, Rich Lowry, to let you know, in case you hadn't noticed, anyone who would have identified as a Southern Democrat in 1860 would now identify as a Republican. You failed to mention that.

You're welcome,

Lisa

Dear Rush Limbaugh,

My mother took me to see the re-release of Disney's Song of the South in 1972. I was seven years old. Even at that tender age, I understood that Tar Baby had a racial meaning and was a phrase I should not repeat if I didn't want my butt blistered.

Zip-A-Dee-Do-Da,

Lisa