Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Unemployment Diary: Hallmark's Cards for the Unemployed

Echoes here, doesn't it?

I've been trying to come up with a post, but the news is so bad, the brainpan so desolate, I can't think of what to say. The depression or The Depression?

MathMan showed me an article that made me want to nutpunch somebody. An irrational response, but there it is. My reaction was visceral. What, you may wonder, could upset me so?

Hallmark has launched a series of cards offering - - what? condolences for a career? get well from your unemployment spurred depression? watch your savings go Over the Hill? -- yeah, Hallmark now makes a card you can run out and purchase when your friends and assorted accomplices lose their jobs.

Swell, huh?

I think it's charming how the people in the HuffPo article who support the idea have jobs or will be hawking the damn things. Sure, sure, Hallmark is responding to consumer need out of the goodness of their hearts. In that case, they should be giving them away.

Do I sound bitter? I know I do. After 21 months without a job and having only had three interviews in that time, I'm back to bitter. I've already cycled through all the other fucking emotions. There are millions just like me out there. And by out there, I mean your friends, your neighbors, the guy biting his nails to the quick as he watches the dollars rack up as he pumps his gas. And the longer we go without a job, the harder it's getting to find a job.

Listen, if you ever make the tremendous mistake of sending one of these cards, please be sure to include a check, some cash or a prepaid credit card. Because your friends don't need another piece of paper to remind them that times are about to get even tougher. They need help. If you can't give them a job, give them something that will help them no matter how temporarily. Ten minutes of not worrying about how you're going to pay your bills is ten minutes less than you would be worrying.

And when you're in this situation, any time not worrying about money or bills or finding a job or what assholes say about the unemployed is a good time.


  1. I'm guessing most folks (not all, since there's that whole consumer conditioning gig that never ends) would rather have the three or four bucks instead of a piece of cardboardy paper that's going out with the week's trash anyway.

  2. What type of douche would send a "sorry your life sucks right now (but mine is still going good enough to waste money on greeting cards)" message to anyone? The whole concept is bizarre.

  3. You'd be right about that, Randal. Three bucks would buy a meal, a school lunch for one of my kids, a small bag of catfood, a gallon of milk, not quite a gallon of gas et cetera et cetera.

  4. It is bizarre, Nan. All I can think is that Hallmark thinks that people will be desperate enough to express themselves to buy these cards. Profit over people always.

  5. What I don't understand at all are the employers who won't hire the unemployed. If that ain't crack-head thinking, I don't know what is. I wonder if Hallmark is hiring? What assholes.

  6. Holy Crap. What kind of moron thought those up? What an idiotic creation.

    Life is hard enough these days. What kind of friend sends a card like that?! [A crappy one, that's who!]

    Donate that money to charity. Buy groceries for the local food pantry. SEND YOUR FRIEND FLOWERS with a note that says 'I love you, and I'm thinking of you'. At least THAT, while perhaps a frivolity, is thoughtful.

  7. What next? Cards for people whose houses have washed away in a flood? How would you know how to address it?

    Hallmark is attempting to satisfy so many niche markets at this point they're soon to blow up soon and then there'll be even more people without jobs.

  8. There's always a way to turn a buck on the downtrodden.


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